Not waving but drowning...

"...well, a man must take his life in his own hands
hit those nails on the head
and I respect a man who goes to where he wants to be,
even if he wants to be dead.".

From the song Florida by Vic Chesnutt 1991

Photo by Jem Cohen from Vic Chesnutt dot com.

My brother sent me some Vic Chesnutt cd's for xmas one year, maybe around 1993. His plucky acoustic and heavy lyrics took a minute to grow on me but when it did it affected me unlike anyone else before. The year I really swam far out into his music, I was having a difficult time in my own life and revisiting those songs is still pretty hard to do. His music is very emotional and I was able to identify with him and his depression and alcohol abuse and view of a fucked-up world, and a life unsure of it's own direction and actual place within that world. He overdosed on some form of painkillers earlier this week and slipped into a coma. Vic Chesnutt passed away on Xmas Day 2009, his life ending like the lyrics to one of his own songs. I tip one back to him now, a soggy toast to a drunken brother.

Stupid Preoccupations

Vic Chesnutt

I am sick of you
Expecting me to do
All these puny ingratiations
You know I am a terrible patient
I am barely alive
Ever since my daddy died
I've been searching for my own little babies
To misbehave and betray me
I tie one on to all the others
And say a soggy toast to all my drunken brothers
"They've got organizations for people like me with stupid preoccupations"

Y'all all are innocent
I'm just bitching at your expense
And the price for cockiness is worth swiping
It's primal griping
I am nearly reformed
So don't say that you weren't warned
'Cause when I break into that smile that is aching
It might be too ugly to look on
Hallelujah for the ghosties
And all those scary monsters under the boiling seas
"They've got organizations for people like me with stupid preoccupations"